050308

yeayeayea, it's always him. he told u two, "i have exams on xx date, xx date."
then i told u two, "i have a piano exam on this date."

YET, u two rmb when his exams are on and not mine! no one knows when my piano exam is, fine. u fail, u lose face. i fail, the exam fee, the cost for an extra practice at the studio, the extra lessons i take just to get myself prepared, all wasted, down the drain. WHAT'S THE WHOLE DAMN POINT?! i've never failed any piano exam and at least managed a pass for the ones i had taken. at least this time i aim for a pass! yea, no feelings, u think im not trying to 'put' feelings and emotions into the piece? try playing it and see how! u have so many notes to crush at once, i've already tried having inserting crescendos and decrescendos into the stanzas. have u actually opened your ears? FINE, i shant play now or anytime! THAT'S WHY I HATE PLAYING THE PIANO WHEN U ALL ARE AROUND BECAUSE YOU ALL JUST COMPLAIN THAT IT'S NOISE NOT MUSIC BUT IT IS MUSIC!

my happiness always end whenever i step foot into the house. sorrows drown me, drown me. im trying my best man, im trying. i want to do well cause this is the final grade. but i see no point trying, everything defeats the purpose of me trying my best. everything here just ruins it all.