i've come to a point where tolerance level has reached almost maximum. yet i thought to myself is it because i'm rather petty and unwilling to accept reality?

it all boils down to : what do i want?

please others, please myself. i wish i can disapparate from earth.

should i take a step back or move forward? sometimes, it's good that there're choices. but sometimes, choices suck.

i made a promise to myself. a promise to the future.

i will not "neglect" my kids when they are young. not to say that my parents neglected me but i dont think i had an enjoyable childhood. there are so many things that i didnt get the chance to do when i was young. yes, my parents did bring me to many places - usa, taiwan, thailand. however, i never got to go to the neither the zoo, nor birdpark, nor night safari at all with them. i've never got to play at a playground happily for hours unlike other children with their parents sitting at the benches looking at them play. i vaguely remember the only time i got to go to the park was with my bro cause we sneaked there with our bikes.

i've also made it a point to try to control my temper and change my attitude cause i dont want my kids to treat me the way i treat my parents. i try to treat them as friends but i fail to do so because they hold such authority, such status to state that they are my parents and i have to listen and obey whatever they say. yes, that was when i was young. now i have a mind of my own and i dont like the way they do things. perspectives.

i would also love to see my kids craft their future and make decisions with me. and i really want to create a friendship-cum-parent relationship with my kids as i feel it is a good way to stay connected to their lives. there's one thing that i would want to do, something that my parents didnt carry out when i was young: talk to my kids frequently, starting from when they are young, make them voice out to me and i'll help them in a way that it doesnt not intimidate them.

you may ask: why dont i like to talk to my parents about my things? simple. they never know when to use the right tone and tones express the feelings of a person. different tones express different feelings. you gotta get the tone right to convey the right message. i seriously dislike tones that express that you're against the idea and you are angry cause there isnt a reason why you should be. you prefer this but i prefer the other. who's the one going to experience it?

i feel that life is a cycle that may be well, if you meet the right factors. these factors may be anything, from parents to friends to objects around. it can also mean chances, opportunities given to you and whether you make full use of it, grab it, utilise it, work towards it.

in life, there are many things to do, achieve, complete and compete. there's this thing called 'education'. without it, people wouldnt be where they stand now. without it, we'll be living in forests and act like barbarians despite the depth of knowledge we have in our brains. however, with education, i wonder if many can see that there's a portion of children suffering because of education (and of course, the portion of children dying to learn). ever wonder why so many children are visiting the psychiatrist? ever wonder how much stress a child can get from studying? ever wonder whether the child likes studying or he is studying for the sake of studying? i believe these questions are worthy to think about.

and the question i ask myself: why, in this society, is education treasured so much despite the detrimental effects set upon the ones who are learning?

(this is a total change of mood) i feel that i have written enough. gtg runnnn.
ciao~