i tried but it failed. it's okay, i told myself. it's okay. find another way, or accept it. then i was told about something else. it brought me hope. i'm not going to let it slip this time. i'm going to make full use of it.

im thankful for the ones around me, honestly. including my family. i know they've been trying to sound me out, make me speak to them. i was afraid, scared. but i managed to muster courage and speak to one of them - brother.

now it's just trust. trust me and i will do it.

first i need to get distractions away. the very first will be online shopping. it's an addiction, seriously.