im back, after so long. im sorry to have neglected this little chamber that contains almost all my thoughts for the past approximately 3 years.
now im almost finishing my exams, it was horrible to begin with. but giving up now would be a waste of everything so might as well press on and continue.
i did a terrible mistake in this time that i've been gone. something that because of my brain or what i thought would help ended up making things worse for myself. at first i thought i've gained someone whom i can talk to easily (well, these two years, i'm still not able to adapt to the people around me, i just cant fit in and i do miss the 'twins', a lot.), but after that incident, i've seen the change that may seem oblivious to them, or may not, yet very obvious to me.
i always thought i've handled things carefully, until i met one who handles things more thoroughly than i do. and someone that honestly, i cant give my 100% at all. these two years were tremendous hurdles for me when it comes to people. i dont know how to explain but just that it's tricky, it's tedious, unlike others who can handle it so well despite the many different people they meet. sometimes i wish for a much clearer path and a better opinion. sometimes i wish i dont have to fake a smile or laugh but inside im feeling awful. i tried to be myself, but i realised i hadnt been being myself in order to avoid scorns.
so yea, things changed, and the one whom i thought could be ended up not and instead with another. it's not like i wanted things to be this way, really. but my folly has turned things around and now im plunged into a world where i really dont know who i can turn to.
in fact, i wanted to turn to you but based on your opinions everytime, what can i say? i dont get good arguments and thus, i prefer to leave you as it is, and to just tell you what im happy about.
or maybe it's just that i've failed to be a trustworthy person afterall.
